An engineering view of women

We all know women are difficult to figure out, so here is an engineering analysis. I could have made this a slide show but posted the photos here for detailed study.

Algebraic Proof that Women are problems

Caution: Handle Women With Care

Complexity of the Genders

Her Diary Versus His Diary

HER DIARY:

Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird.

We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.

Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do.

I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster .


HIS DIARY:

Harley wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid.

Finding a Mate

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice', she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have big boobs.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Piercings

A daughter wants a navel piercing.
The protective father says why not get pierced ears instead.
The daughter says whats the difference?
The father says when you wear earrings the guys look up here.

Hiding the remote

One night , after the couple had retired for the night,
the woman became aware that her husband
was touching her in a most unusual manner.

He started by running his hand across her
shoulders and the small of her back.
He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.
Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side,
sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other
side to a point below her waist. He continued on,
gently feeling her hips, first one side and the the other.

His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.
His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh,
stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.

By this time the woman was becoming aroused
and she squirmed a little to better position herself.

The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.
"Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered.
He whispered back, " I found the remote!"


Moral of the story, hide the remote better...